My work with businesses often involves some form of gathering or meeting with groups of workers. The key objective is normally around a specific aspect of individual and/or team development.
The objective, and an outline of how the session will unfold, is normally agreed with either a learning and development person or the line manager/director of the team involved.
Increasingly I have noticed that, after the invite goes out, several requests for “The Agenda” are sent to me or to the organiser. Why is this I wonder? Is the request made from some anxiety that the person may be embarrassed in not being prepared, (even though any preparation required is normally stated in the invite). Is it exercising our in-built psychological need for a level of control? Are we sometimes so insecure that we are worried about going into a business meeting or training situation where we don’t know what is going to happen?
I’m not talking about knowing why the meeting/event is happening or indeed the objective behind the meeting. I’m referring to the need we often have to know as much as we can about who will be there, what will they do or say and what the expectations the organiser might have of me. To the extent that the agenda requirement is driven from a place of “how can I add the most value to these proceedings,” then asking for an agenda is coming from the right intention.
Like much of life, navigating our way successfully in business is about dealing with paradox, or dealing with apparently contradictory statements. On the one hand it does seem like sound business logic to have an agenda for every meeting or event we attend, on the other hand, our need for an agenda could be driven from a place of unknown fear about lack of control or appearing vulnerable and all sorts of consequential unhelpful stories that might arise, (consciously or unconsciously), from this thinking.
If the agenda request is coming from a place of “uncertainty,” and “I don’t like uncertainty,” then maybe have are think about why exactly you are asking for an agenda.
What are the invisible rules in your organisation or family?
If you observed the behaviour of you or your colleagues at work or even in your family, what would you say the “rules” are of your organisation or family? I’m not referring to policies and procedures or even legal rules. I’m referring to the rules you might infer exist, purely from observing behaviours, or maybe in your own case, feelings and/or behaviours.
For some people, there appears to be an unwritten rule that worry precedes any significant event or meeting that you undertake. Think anything from board meeting, sales meetings, to weddings or family events. For some organisations it can appear that a rule exists that no one dare challenge the boss about any decision they might make. It can often appear that a rule exists that decisions must always be passed up the chain of command, even though written policy and even company values might indicate that empowerment and devolved decision making is to be encouraged.
What are the (unwritten) rules we live our lives by? For example:
- “Think of what (Insert as appropriate parents, neighbours, boss, family, clients, etc) will say.” This implies a rule of “Therefore I won’t do that, try that, or live my life the way I want to live my life.”
- “No pain, no gain.” Implied rule is “All work must be difficult.”
- “I deserve to be successful because I work hard.” Implying that “hard work’ is the only factor in achieving success.”
- “I’m not the sort of person that is lucky in love.” (My success in finding a partner is purely down to luck and has nothing to do with me and my thinking.)
- “I’m just like my mother, father, brother, sister.” (We use this thinking to explain why I can’t change something I want to change)
From the last couple of examples, the key to understanding unwritten or invisible rules is to recognise that it is our thinking that is creating and maintaining these rules. The longer we live with this thinking, the more familiar it becomes until it seems a hard and ‘stuck-fast’ belief in our life.
Recognise the invisible rule we create that hinder our happiness, changing the thought, changes the rule, changes your life.
